


grief is (not) relief

by saltandlimes



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: (of the canon sort), Angst, Classic Kylux, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, Grief/Mourning, Hate Sex, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Inappropriate Use of the Force, M/M, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 12:34:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17365928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltandlimes/pseuds/saltandlimes
Summary: Days after the battle of Crait, Kylo Ren is struggling with his duties as Supreme Leader and Hux is nowhere to be found. When they finally come together, they don't intend to make things better, but somehow, they do.





	grief is (not) relief

**Author's Note:**

> +I return to Kylux a year late with cookies and hate sex. Hi.

Kylo sweeps down the hallway, trying not to think of mandates that need signing, conferences that need scheduling, and maneuvers that need approval. He tries not to think of how his dreams leave him exhausted and sweating, filled with images of Rey, of her training and her eyes staring through his soul. It is too much, just days after the Resistance has seemingly disappeared into thin air, leaving the Order to gather up the broken pieces of its fleet, and of the crumbling Republic. 

He rounds the corner. The corridor is dark, just a few flickering lights leading down to the senior officers lounge. This late into third shift, when all but the shift crew is asleep, Finalizer is as silent as it ever is. Kylo trails his fingers down the metal walls, sighing. He walks down the corridor, slapping the entry panel to the lounge and stalking inside. 

The lights are dim in the room, and Kylo slumps back against the door as it slides closed behind him. His head hits the wall, and then he slides down, settling on the metal of the floor. It’s cold even through the thick fabric of his robes, so cold that it bites into his skin. There is nothing about the ship that is not frozen. It is as though the white of their defeat on Crait what changed to true frost and cold, and invaded the heart of the First Order. 

There is a soft sound from somewhere off in the dark of the lounge. Kylo stills, one hand splayed flat on the floor, the other flying to his waist. He pushes himself up, pulling his saber off his belt at the same time he stands. He hardly breathes, still, quiet, listening.

The sound comes again. 

It isn’t just someone moving in the dark. It is not the thump of feet padding around the edge of the room, sneaking close to Kylo. It is not the slide of an assassin’s soft shoes, nor the heavy tread of a stormtrooper. Instead, it’s a gasp as though someone is breathing hard into the night. 

“Who’s there?” Kylo calls out. 

“Fuck off,” comes the reply.

It’s Hux. 

Kylo hasn’t seen the general since Hux stood beside him as he announced his leadership to the whole of the Order. He’d gone by Hux’s office and the general had been nowhere to be found. He’d pounded on Hux’s door and gotten no answer. His messages had gone without replies. Just two weeks ago, Kylo would have torn the ship apart looking for Hux if he’d been ignored like this. 

Now things are different. There is too much to do, too much that Kylo must finish, too much that haunts the corners of his mind. Hux is only one piece in a puzzle that is too big for anyone to handle alone, too much to pretend doesn’t matter. 

“Have you been here this whole time?” he asks, looking through the gloom of the lounge.

“Does it matter?” Hux calls back. His voice comes from somewhere to Kylo’s left. When Kylo turns, he can just barely see the back of Hux’s head as it rises over the back of one of the lounge’s low chairs. 

“Probably not. Just shows me how useless you really are,” Kylo says. 

Hux laughs, his voice rasping and breaking like dead leaves.

“Getting on well, are you?” he chuckles.

Kylo stomps across polished floor, circling Hux’s chair and planting himself in front of the other man.

Hux looks terrible. 

He’s splayed in the chair, the collar of his uniform open and the white undershirt beneath it stained with something that’s grey in the gloom. His eyes are half closed, and a cig dangles from between his fingers. There’s a little pile of ash next to a full ashtray, as though Hux hasn’t bothered to empty it out in a day or more. A few empty bottles crowd the space between Hux’s chair and the table in front of him. Hux flicks ash at Kylo, giving him a grimace.

“You know, I’ve seen what you’ve been doing. Not so easy, running the Order, is it?”

“Obviously not,” Kylo growls. “You’ve been holed up here, not even trying to help, after all.”

“Why should I?” Hux asks. “You didn’t take my advice on Crait, and look where it got us? Why the fuck should I help you at all, murderer?” he spits.

“You would have done the same,” Kylo tells him. He steps gingerly over the bottles that cover the floor and perches on the arm of the chair next to Hux’s. “Don’t you dare say you wouldn’t.”

“I don’t know, do I? I never got a chance.” 

“You never even tried.”

“Maybe I like it just where I am.”

“Like being a mad dog chained to a leash?” Kylo scoffs. “Only a cur would say that.”

Hux’s face darkens, but all he does is take another swig from the bottle nestled next to him. A little of it spills down his chin, but he doesn’t seem to care. 

“What do you know of it? You don’t even know what your chain looks like, you’re bound so tightly.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kylo snarls.

Hux laughs again, horrible and broken. He sits forward in his chair, taking a long drag on his cig. 

“Oh, Ren, you poor little boy.”

Kylo clenches his fist so hard on his saber that the wires bite through the leather of his gloves. He doesn’t turn it on. Now, it is time for control, time to be a leader and not simply to do what he knows he should. Better the monster he knows, the one sitting right in front of him, than one of the First Order’s countless others, with whom he has no understanding. 

“So you say,” he spits. “But here I find you, wallowing in something that looks like grief.”

“It is,” Hux says. 

“What?” Kylo asks, the words darting from between his lips before he can stop them.

“ _It is grief_ , Ren. I know you know what that is.”

“You cared for Snoke that much?” Kylo says, astonished.

“Snoke?” Hux yells. The cig falls from between his fingers, landing on the table in front of him and hissing against it. Kylo flicks his fingers to blow it out, eyes fixed on Hux. 

“Not Snoke, I take it,” he says. 

“How-” Hux stands up, sure on his feet though the bottles seem to suggest he should not be. “How the fuck could you even think that? Have you even thought about her since she died?” 

Kylo stays silent, looking up at Hux where he stands, spit beaded on the corner of his lips. His eyes are wild, his hair plastered to his head with grease. 

“Have you even considered her?” Hux growls. He stalks closer to Kylo. “She gave her fucking life for the Order, and you haven’t even made an announcement.”

“Phasma,” Kylo breathes. 

“Yes, Phasma!” Hux steps even closer, almost touching Kylo now. Kylo can smell ash and spilled brandy, grease and unwashed skin. Hux has never been like this before. Kylo reaches out, setting a hand on his waist. Hux knocks it away, leaning over him. 

“Don’t you care at all?” he snarls. 

“I’ve been busy,” Kylo says.

“I know. You haven’t even come to find me.” Hux’s eyes are wide. “And I would have told you what to do, I would have helped. But no, no, I’ve just been here, the only person who thinks about Phasma. Do you even fucking care?”

Kylo starts to answer, and then pauses. 

“No, you don’t,” Hux answers himself. “Why would you? You don’t care about anything, anyone.”

“I would have said neither did you,” Kylo says softly. He’s never seen Hux like this, not when they’ve pushes one another against a wall and snarled their frustrations into one another’s mouthes, not when they’ve fought or agreed or ignored each other for months, pretending as though there is nothing between them but hard words and harder looks. He’s about to tell Hux just that when a hand lands in his hair, pulling it tight. 

“How could you say that?” Hux growls, yanking even harder. “How?”

“Hux-” Kylo starts. 

Hux crashes into him, almost knocking Kylo from his perch on the arm of the chair. He yanks Kylo’s head back, biting at his chin. 

“What are you doing?” Kylo says. 

Hux doesn’t reply. He bites harder, his teeth almost leaving a mark at the spot between Kylo’s jaw and his throat. Kylo chews at the inside of his cheek, trying not to moan. Hux wraps an arm around Kylo’s waist, pulling him close. 

“Didn’t you miss this?” he whispers in Kylo’s ear.

Kylo gasps. He didn’t know, not until right now, how much he had. In all the paperwork, in the endless, constant decision making, he never noticed how much he wanted this again, how much he needed Hux, who was nowhere to be found. 

“I did,” he whispers. 

Hux groans, shoving Kylo backwards until he topples over. Kylo lands in the chair, and Hux presses him down. He’s lighter than usual between Kylo’s legs, but it feels as good as ever. Kylo shucks off his gloves, and then his hands find their way to Hux’s waist. It’s soft, softer than he could imagine after the cold of the floor and the harsh bite of his saber. 

“Did you need me?” Hux asks. 

Kylo finds Hux’s ass with his hands, squeezing. Hux’s skin smells like grime and unwashed days, and Kylo hardly cares, not when Hux is on top of him, his cock grinding against Kylo’s. This is something new, a new Hux. All his walls have broken, and the thing inside isn’t what Kylo expected to find.

Kylo tips his head back, letting Hux mouth down his throat. His cock is filling, the hair standing up on his arms. He spreads his legs even wider. Hux shoves a hand between them, between their cocks, and Kylo groans. 

“Hux,” he complains. 

“You do need me,” Hux rasps out. “Maybe you don’t care, but you need me.”

Kylo gasps as Hux squeezes him. He’s had no relief for days, and this is almost more than he can bear. He pulls at Hux’s waistband, dragging his trousers down and then ripping off his soiled uniform. Hux laughs that broken laugh again, then flicks at the laces of Kylo’s leggings. 

“Do you want these off?”

Kylo snarls out his answer, his fingers digging into the soft sides of Hux’s waist. It’s smooth and pliable, not hard with muscle like his own body, and he’s always liked the contrast, for as long as they’ve been doing this. Hux grinds their hips together and licks a line up Kylo’s throat. 

“Why did you come in here?” he says. He pulls open Kylo’s leggings and then they’re bare against one another, their skin pressed together. 

Kylo closes his eyes for one long moment. It hardly dims things, not with the lounge’s darkness already pressing around them, but it lets him focus on the feel of Hux’s cock against him, rather than the look in his eyes. Hux grinds down, pushing Kylo’s legs wider. 

“Tell me what you’re doing in here,” he snarls. “You didn’t come in looking for me, Kylo Ren.”

“I needed,” Kylo starts, but stops when Hux reaches between them and cups his balls. Hux’s fingers are so soft against his skin, whispering over the base of Kylo’s cock. Even so, he shivers. Hux has a wild look in his eyes, one Kylo has never seen before. 

When Starkiller fired, Hux looked as though his heart had been shattered into little pieces and strewn across the stars. When it was first being built, Hux’s eyes had burned with icy fire, and when it was completed, he turned to steel. When he had found Kylo in the woods, he’d seemed numb, and there had been nothing in his gaze. But now, now all the bonds have broken, and the creature trapped inside him is free. 

Kylo is not sure who that creature is.

“You needed?” Hux prompts. 

“I needed relief,” Kylo says, and does not know quite what he means. 

Hux laughs. He tugs Kylo’s leggings a little farther down, jerking them over Kylo’s ass when he raises up a little. 

“Oh really?” he giggles. One of his fingers teases behind Kylo’s balls, petting the skin there with short strokes. Kylo’s hips jerk upwards. Hux’s hands feel better than ever. They are soft and warm and he has had so little time to take care of himself lately.

“Don’t tease,” he growls. 

“Oh?” Hux asks. “Do you want something else, dear Supreme Leader? Is there something you could possible use me for?”

He pushes a dry finger against Kylo’s hole before Kylo can answer, and now it is not so soft. Kylo squirms, and Hux pulls away just enough that his finger only lightly rests on Kylo. 

“You know there is,” Kylo groans. 

“So make use of me. Give me some lube, Ren. I know you have some somewhere.”

Kylo pulls one of his hands away from Hux’s soft ass and beckons to his robes. From somewhere in some deep pocket, a little pot flies over and lands in his hand. He hasn’t used it in a little while, hasn’t had to conjure up that kind of passion to access the Dark Side, but he still keeps it with him. He offers it up to Hux, and Hux licks his lips. 

He has to let go of Kylo to open the jar, and Kylo groans out a complaint when Hux’s hands leave him. Hux presses their hips together in response, resting his sharp elbows on Kylo’s chest. 

“Such a greedy man,” he mutters. “If I didn’t know better, I’d have thought you’d gotten enough by now.”

“What does that mean?” Kylo asks. Hux slicks his fingers up, and slides off him a little, just enough to kneel on the wide chair between Kylo’s spread legs. 

“What does that mean, Hux?” he asks again. Hux presses one finger against his hole, and this time Kylo is ready for it. He forces himself to relax, all the while staring at Hux. 

“You’ll never be satisfied, Kylo,” Hux says, and pushes inside him. Kylo groans. Hux’s fingers are thin, but even just this one is enough to make him buck upwards after two weeks without. “You don’t know what you want, so it’ll never be enough.”

Kylo tries to block Hux’s voice out, to focus only on the fingers working their way quickly inside him and spreading him out. He closes his eyes yet again and suddenly Hux’s fingers still. 

“Look at me, Ren. Look at me.”

“Why?” Kylo snaps back, cock dripping as Hux spreads his fingers wider. “You’ve been hiding here for long enough. Why do you want someone’s eyes on you now?”

Hux doesn’t answer. Instead he yanks his fingers out, too fast, so fast that Kylo is left aching and empty. A whine makes its way from between his lips before he can stop it. 

“Needy little hole you have there, don’t you?” Hux asks, and his voice only shakes a little on the question.

“Give it to me already,” Kylo demands. Were he not leaking all over his own belly, empty and wanting, he would remind Hux of who he is now, of what he deserves.

Hux grins lopsidedly down at him. He sets the head of his cock against Kylo, and looking down, Kylo can see the contrast between their hair, red and black, even in the dim light. Beyond the patch of light curls, Hux’s cock is thick. It’s not as long as some Kylo has seen, not as long as ones he has tried on the pleasure planets of the galaxy in his journey to the dark side, but it wide, stretching him open every time Hux presses inside him. This time is no different. The head is a tight press, the flared ridge almost too much for Kylo. He lets out a slow breath as Hux presses inexorably onwards. Hux’s lank hair flutters with little movements of his head, and Kylo reaches up, grabbing hold of it. 

Hux groans, and then, with a shove, he’s fully inside. He moans as Kylo tugs on his hair, and Kylo moans back. Hux fills him up so completely, so totally, that he’s not sure how he can still breathe. His whole body seems to have been taken over, every nook and cranny of it invaded and covered. 

“Move,” he demands. Hux glares at him, but pulls out a little ways, pressing back into Kylo slowly. 

“Like this, Ren?” he asks. 

“Hux…” Kylo groans, his voice breaking a little. “Faster.”

Hux opens his mouth, as though to say something else. Kylo clenches down on his cock and he gasps, driving back into him. 

“Yes, like that,” Kylo breathes. “Just like that.”

Hux pulls out the whole way, just the head of his fat cock teasing at Kylo, and then he pushes back inside. His cock drags against Kylo. The hairs on Kylo’s forearms stand to attention as Hux pushes into him, and he shivers. His belly is slick now, his cock leaking freely on it. Hux reaches between them and smears precome against Kylo, painting it up his chest. 

“Want me to be as much of as mess as you are?” Kylo asks, fingering Hux’s greasy hair. Hux says nothing. He only smears more of Kylo’s precome about, then takes hold of Kylo’s cock. Kylo gasps. Hux jerks him off roughly, starting to fuck him with the same relentless rhythm. He does not speed, nor does he go so slowly that Kylo catches his breath in anticipation of each stroke. Instead, Hux pushes into him again and again and again, as relentless as one of the machines he thinks so beautiful. 

It’s not enough to get Kylo off all at once, but heat begins to build deep in his belly, starting near the base of his spine. He finds his temples growing slick, and a drop of sweat falls from Hux’s nose onto his face. Kylo licks it away where it lands, and it tastes a little like brandy. 

As Hux pushes into him time and time again, his faces loses its set. His eyes grow wide, and he starts to pant. Kylo watches, arching into each of Hux’s thrusts, his chest heaving, his eyes fixed on Hux’s. He has never seen Hux more alive than now, in his wretched mourning, in his grime and dirt and utter ruin. It is enthralling. 

A rush of new heat floods through him as Hux’s pink tongue flicks out to wet his lips, and Kylo finds his cock jerking. When, on his next thrust, Hux hits that spot deep inside him that no one else seems to find, Kylo’s eyes roll back and he arches up off the armchair. His head thunks against the back, but he hardly notices as he spills over himself. He comes, and comes, his cock dripping with it. When his spine finally unbends and he relaxes back down with an aching head, Hux is still watching him.

Kylo pants, staring back. Hux keeps their eyes locked together, and spreads Kylo’s come across his chest, tracing it around his nipples. He pinches one, and Kylo shudders, too sensitive. Hux laughs, bringing his messy finger up to his own chin and running it down his throat, covering it with Kylo’s spend. Kylo’s cock twitches again painfully, and if he could come again, he would. 

Hux’s hand falls from his throat, landing on Kylo’s shoulder, and he jerks his hips once, twice more. Then he too starts to shake. His come is hot when he spends inside Kylo. Kylo gasps as it reaches deep inside him, invading his very being even as Hux softens and slips out. 

Hux does not linger on top of him. He rolls off and onto the neighboring chair, his eyes glassy and his hair even more a mess than it was before. For a moment, he stares at the ceiling and Kylo watches him. 

“Why are you still here?” he asks Kylo, eyes fixed upwards. 

Kylo shrugs. He likes watching Hux, likes seeing him so open, with so many walls destroyed. 

“Then leave. Leave and let me be alone once more.”

“Need I remind you that you do not command me?” Kylo asks, but there is no bite in his words. His come is smeared across Hux’s throat, and he has licked Hux’s sweat from his own skin. 

“Whatever you say, _Supreme Leader_ ,” Hux hisses. He sits up, naked. He is pale as milk in the dark of the room, his soft cock between his legs and the flush just retreating from where it spread down his chest while they were fucking. 

“You said you could help,” Kylo says, pushing himself off the chair and drawing his leggings up. 

“Now you want it?” Hux asks. 

“I wanted it before.”

“You just couldn’t ask.”

Kylo says nothing. There is no answer to that, and he does not think Hux expects one. Instead he finds his tunic, pulling it back on. He belts his saber around his waist and looks at Hux. Hux glances up and then frowns.

“Oh go on then,” he says. “At least, out there, there will be others to share my grief.”

“There are in here,” Kylo says softly, before he can stop himself. 

Hux’s eyes gleam, but he says nothing. He too, needs not give that any answer.

**Author's Note:**

> +I suddenly got incredibly inspired to write this last week and it all spilled out. I'm not really sure where it came from, but I hope there's more there. 
> 
> +Find me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/saltandlimes/), [tumblr](http://saltandlimes.tumblr.com/), 


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